Anyone who has traveled to India knows what a novelty it is for children and most other locals to see or speak to foreigners -- I'm not sure why, but people just seem to like staring at Leen and me. We've pretty much gotten used to it because it generally comes from a place of curiosity rather than anything else.
It was most noticeable in Agra when we went to the Taj Mahal and Indian people wanted to take photos with us rather than with the Taj as a background.
Jaipur was a bit different. For me, at least.
I have traveled a lot and have never felt as objectified -- either because of my white skin or because I'm a woman or whatever the reason -- as I did in Jaipur. I am very conscious of my clothing choices as it is AND it's winter, so I cover up even more to keep warm.
On the bus, on the street, everywhere -- I felt and saw men staring at me shamelessly and not in the I-wonder-where-she's-from sort of way... their eyes followed me from head to toe and tended to settle somewhere in the middle, usually my chest. Once on the bus, Leen had to break a boy's stare after a few minutes by waving his hand in the boy's face.
As if the stares weren't enough -- On our first night in Jaipur, Leen and I were walking down a side street looking for an internet cafe when two guys on a motorbike drove past us repeatedly shouting things at me like "Hello, beautiful", "Will you marry me?", and such... Then, they came past slowly a third or fourth time and the passenger reached out and completely unexpectedly grabbed my chest. It was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. I turned around and shouted at him, but they sped off with Leen chasing them down the street. I think the worst part of it was that another motorbike driver stopped to ask what had happened and when Leen explained to him, he just responded with "Oh, no problem".
For us, it was more than a problem. I felt so violated.
I've never understood a sexual assault victim's tendency to blame themselves until that point -- I'm not suggesting that what happened to me is anything close to being raped or otherwise assaulted, but after that happened I began to question whether I had done something wrong, if it was my fault that it happened. I wondered if my clothes were too revealing (a loose fitting sweatshirt, scarf, and baggy jeans), if we were just out too late, if I should have had my head covered, if I should have stood closer to Leen, and dozens of other what-ifs and questions. The truth is that no one deserves to be violated in any way, big or small. And no woman deserves to wonder if it is her fault. I wish men knew that it's more than just their own dignity that they sacrifice to get a laugh.
Also...
I've found it interesting that Indian women in Rajasthan seem to cover themselves more than women in other parts of the country. The saree is wrapped to also cover the head in this part of the country, whereas is is more of a shawl on the shoulder in other parts of the country. I initially thought that the saree wrapped around the head distinguished Muslim from Hindu women, but have learned that the saree worn this way does not distinguish religions in this part of the country.
Perhaps women here cover up even more to protect themselves against wandering eyes... or is it possible that the wandering eyes inevitably fall to the woman without her head covered?
It was most noticeable in Agra when we went to the Taj Mahal and Indian people wanted to take photos with us rather than with the Taj as a background.
Jaipur was a bit different. For me, at least.
I have traveled a lot and have never felt as objectified -- either because of my white skin or because I'm a woman or whatever the reason -- as I did in Jaipur. I am very conscious of my clothing choices as it is AND it's winter, so I cover up even more to keep warm.
On the bus, on the street, everywhere -- I felt and saw men staring at me shamelessly and not in the I-wonder-where-she's-from sort of way... their eyes followed me from head to toe and tended to settle somewhere in the middle, usually my chest. Once on the bus, Leen had to break a boy's stare after a few minutes by waving his hand in the boy's face.
As if the stares weren't enough -- On our first night in Jaipur, Leen and I were walking down a side street looking for an internet cafe when two guys on a motorbike drove past us repeatedly shouting things at me like "Hello, beautiful", "Will you marry me?", and such... Then, they came past slowly a third or fourth time and the passenger reached out and completely unexpectedly grabbed my chest. It was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. I turned around and shouted at him, but they sped off with Leen chasing them down the street. I think the worst part of it was that another motorbike driver stopped to ask what had happened and when Leen explained to him, he just responded with "Oh, no problem".
For us, it was more than a problem. I felt so violated.
I've never understood a sexual assault victim's tendency to blame themselves until that point -- I'm not suggesting that what happened to me is anything close to being raped or otherwise assaulted, but after that happened I began to question whether I had done something wrong, if it was my fault that it happened. I wondered if my clothes were too revealing (a loose fitting sweatshirt, scarf, and baggy jeans), if we were just out too late, if I should have had my head covered, if I should have stood closer to Leen, and dozens of other what-ifs and questions. The truth is that no one deserves to be violated in any way, big or small. And no woman deserves to wonder if it is her fault. I wish men knew that it's more than just their own dignity that they sacrifice to get a laugh.
Also...
I've found it interesting that Indian women in Rajasthan seem to cover themselves more than women in other parts of the country. The saree is wrapped to also cover the head in this part of the country, whereas is is more of a shawl on the shoulder in other parts of the country. I initially thought that the saree wrapped around the head distinguished Muslim from Hindu women, but have learned that the saree worn this way does not distinguish religions in this part of the country.
Perhaps women here cover up even more to protect themselves against wandering eyes... or is it possible that the wandering eyes inevitably fall to the woman without her head covered?
Very sorry to hear about your experience with the passing motorbikes. This exact thing happened to Teresa and I in one of the Caribbean islands many years ago and you know that Teresa always dresses properly. It was very difficult for her and you have described the feeling correctly. Just be wary of situations and always be near to Leen.
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